How to Not Lose It?

The race for children’s success wears us out. I’ll be honest: the theses about how important it is to develop children from birth give me chills, not only as a therapist but also as a mom.

We mothers are burdened with too much. No, you won’t miss the train of “Make as many neural connections as possible for your child.” We don’t need to suffer for our children to get a better start in life.

I allow myself to write on behalf of many because I often catch these notes in women. For some reason, they find it difficult to say what their soul is screaming: “Help me with my child, I’m tired, I can’t cope.” I am convinced that there are millions of such moms.

When I can’t cope, I transmit stress to my children. Sensing my stress, the children shut down. For several months now, I have been longing for the temporarily compromised connection with me to be compensated by a connection with another sensitive and understanding interlocutor.

Only Elfie for Tony and Snowman for Nastya come to mind. But we have an ethical problem – how can I direct my children to my colleagues? After all, we are the only psychologists like this. A challenge, indeed.

But here’s what science tells us:

• When your exhausted mind vaguely echoes instructive quotes from psychology gurus about how important it is to adhere to attachment theory principles while you can barely remember how old you are from fatigue, start taking care of YOURSELF.
• It’s truly important for a child to develop, and they do this constantly. Moreover, their emotional development is more important than their intellectual development. What about you?
• It’s essential for a child to form meaningful positive connections with the outside world, and they do this through you. That is, how you perceive the world is transmitted to them.
• Connection is the most important platform for a child’s development. And it’s great that there can be several significant connections, not just with parents.
• You don’t need to understand everything, always be calm, and solve all your children’s problems, ensuring their constant development. You can be yourself, and how well you find balance and seek help will determine your child’s development.

Katrina Markova