Habits

In many ways, we are our habits. The way we are accustomed to perceiving situations and the people in them determines our emotions and reactions. We develop specific ways of reacting—worrying, staying calm, trying to control, getting angry, feeling hurt, joking. Our habitual reactions significantly influence how well we handle challenging situations. For example, when a child simply doesn’t hear us while we’re in a hurry or feeling tired. In most cases, our habits are a product of our experiences and genetics. But habits can be changed. We are not programmed robots! For instance, we can create a new habit of communicating positively with our children. Communication consists of words. When chosen carefully, they begin to resonate like music, penetrating both you and your children, creating and nurturing.

I have gathered a few important phrases that I believe will help both you and your children relate more consciously to yourselves and your emotions. These phrases carry therapeutic potential that helps children develop mindfulness and emotional awareness, while also strengthening your emotional connection with them.

“How can I help you deal with this?” Very often, children get stuck—they don’t want to start necessary tasks. Just find out what you can do to help.
“I’m sorry. Can we talk about this when you feel calmer?” In a tantrum or anger, a child is unlikely to engage in critical analysis or discussion about their feelings. Just give them time to process their emotions before discussing what happened later. Don’t take responsibility for your child’s natural emotions.
“I understand you wanted to play right now and didn’t want to wait. I know it’s hard for you.” Validate not only the child’s feelings but also the reasons behind those feelings. Show the child that your refusal is not due to misunderstanding but rather other conscious reasons.
“Can you try saying that differently?” Children may forget the importance of politeness or may unknowingly use rude words. Allow the child to correct their behavior themselves. This way, you can avoid comments that children often take defensively.
“What do you need to (…get dressed quickly)?” Often, children come up with brilliant solutions!
“What would you do?” Questions encourage children to think independently and critically. They also help you get to know your child much better. Be prepared for answers that may not always align with your views. But please remember, we are all different. In front of you is an individual, not a copy of yourself.
“You did such a great job with that!” Praise the child moderately for their achievements. And remember, an achievement can be not just the result but also the effort made.