Expectations

Expectations are a strange thing. I never expected that I would nostalgically hold a seashell to my ear this summer… On one hand, we need expectations to create certainty and predictability. When we expect something, our brain thinks we have a goal and a plan, and all that’s left is to reach those goals and fulfill the plan. Sometimes expectations drive us to achieve what we expect, pushing through difficulties to reach our aims. However, expectations often go unfulfilled…

Our expectations become a self-fulfilling prophecy – they tend to come true more often than not!

When I hear slogans like “Get rid of expectations!” or “Don’t expect anything from anyone!”, I think to myself: “Yes, yes, yes… well, don’t expect that we’ll stop having expectations.” How can one not have expectations? How can one not expect that there will be a vacation, the sea, sleep, and sunshine? How can one not expect to be cared for and loved? How can one not expect tto be understood? Expectations are in our nature. Our entire life consists of expectations, both fulfilled and unfulfilled.

Some say that there is no freedom in expectations. When we expect something, we become attached to it, making us vulnerable. Buddhists strive not to cling and not to expect. But as I understand it, they do this to escape suffering – quite an ambitious goal.

Everything in this world strives to avoid disappointment, pain, and discomfort. But is it possible? Even Plato wrote about how everything strives for perfection but never quite reaches it.

I confess honestly, I have tried not to have expectations, but I failed. However, I discovered an alternative, and I want to share it with you:

  • Expect everything you want to expect! But also expect that your expectations may not be fulfilled – don’t waste your energy resisting this possibility.
  • Expect positive outcomes. As soon as you start expecting something negative, take a pause and switch your focus.
  • Expect more from yourself than from others.
  • Expect that if problems, discomforts, and disappointments make up about 20-30% of your life – you are a happy person.