The traumatized

People with trauma are like a mosaic. They find it difficult to see themselves as a cohesive whole. Instead, they are made up of pieces visually connected into a whole. They have to put in effort to keep all the parts together. Sometimes, pieces fall off, and they need to be glued back on. Some may fall out forever. Finding a new piece to patch a hole requires immense internal work, which can be just as exhausting as household chores, office work, or taking care of children. It is this internal work that leaves them with little energy to realize themselves.

Are there many like this among us? Quite a few.

People live as if in separate worlds. In the world of traumatized individuals, the laws of trauma operate. In the world of non-traumatized individuals, the laws of love prevail.

The lack of a model for how to give and receive true love is one form of trauma. To experience such trauma means reaching out to others who are also traumatized. It means being afraid of intimacy. It means feeling bad about oneself and unconsciously creating stress for oneself and those around them. It means inflicting trauma upon oneself and not knowing that life can be entirely different. It means placing one’s children and loved ones in a world of distorted love.

Traumatized parents can teach their children this inability to give and receive true love. After all, love is not a private school, nor is it about the number of toys, clothes, or activities. It is a subtle matter that cannot be replaced by anything else. I find it hard to confront its absence because where it is lacking, I feel scared and hurt myself. But this is important work. The world needs people who will not turn away from pain but will take it upon themselves. For what purpose?

So that light can overcome darkness.

Learning to give love to oneself and others, and to accept it from oneself and others is possible. Through pain and fear, one can reach relief and euphoria from discovering all that was previously unknown within themselves. After all, people with trauma are talented, sensitive, and insightful individuals capable of transcending the ordinary, becoming moral compasses for others, and achieving great heights.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”  – Martin Luther King Jr.

Author: Katrina Markova